Asinine, puerile vomit of an excuse for an ad

You have to check out the new Emami "Fair and Handsome" ad that's on the telly these days. A young man scampers around surreptiously in a ladies hostel. Is he a cross dresser looking for women's clothes? Is he a pervert looking for lingerie? Is he a peeping Tom looking for a steamy scene? Nope, he is a dark man looking for good old Fair and Lovely fairness cream. What drives this man to go through all this trouble rather than checking his friendly neighborhood medical store? Beats me. Is Emami trying to pass a subliminal message that ''Dark is dumb'' along with the ''Dark is ugly'' message? Maybe, they have a ''Fair and Handsome and Intelligent'' product coming up.

Anyways, the women get to know, scream and chase him. A passing male jogger and our dark desperado hide behind the flower pots to avoid the bashing to follow. Our innocent jogging partner is not mad about getting needlessly stuck in this jamboree but pissed at the fact that our dark desperado is a man and is still using women's fairness cream. Miffed and without his fix (of Fair and Lovely fairness cream), our dark desperado gets the Aakashvaani (divine voice from Emami) informing him of the Fair and Handsome product. Daily application of the same for 6-8 weeks and, voila, our dark desperado is transformed from his hideous decrepit dark self into a fair and handsome young man. He metamorphoses into a veritable chick magnet with cries of ''Hi Handsome'' from women rending the air.

Can anything be more dumb than this? A reality check is in order. If a man would enter a ladies hostel, he would be looking for fair and lovely and not ''Fair and Lovely''. Emami has made a whole business out of the Indian dark skin inferiority complex. The product is a stupid concept since it cures the wrong problem - the problem is in the mind not the complexion.

But this asinine, puerile vomit of an excuse for an ad makes me want to administer a can of whupass on the admen responsible for it.

Kkkkya hoga Nikkkkammo kkka

When I saw the serial "Kya Hoga Nimmo Ka", the phrase ''Majha Kkkhauuu mala dya'' came to mind - which in Marathi means ''Give me my food''. In Mumbai, this is the sign on most trashcans (the only places you are not supposed to spit and throw garbage) which is where this stinkipuss belongs. BTW, the extra K's in the phrase and the title are in keeping with the fetish of its creator. Yup, this foray into non-soapish detergents is from the mother of all malodorous soaps - the dreaded Ekta Kapoor of Balaji Telefillums.

What is this serial you might ask? A happy go lucky middle class simpleton with a heart of gold and a special relationship with God. In other words, a Jassi wanna-be with a twist. Jassi took off on Sony and the me-toos were not too far behind. The glasses are gone but sickening sweet and innocent are still there in big shades (pun intended). Its no wonder that garbage also rhymes with cabbage. So if you miss Jassi and your medication is not working or your psychiatrist is out on vacation, this sweet and sour Lassi will do wonders to your already crumbling sanity.

Most episodes so far showcase Nimmo's finer qualities or are littered with Nimmo's cribs with God which seems to be the highlight of this serial. Needless to say, it grinds on your nerves since the episodes are reinforced with serious bouts of overacting. I wish God would get pissed and end our misery with a well directed bolt of lightning. Lassi is ably assisted by a few props (I mean actors) - two bimbo sisters, an irritating bald father, a nondescript mother and a super irritating maid - who so far have not added much to the story line. God is played by none other than the (Ab)Surd King of Senseless Verbiage, Navjot Singh Sidhu. Its funny how Ekkie baby goes out of her way with the numerology and astrology thingies and then does something to piss God off. All the more reason for that much desired seering bolt from the blue.

At this point, the Cinderella bits are in the process of development with two (yes you heard me right) Prince Charmings. The serial can be termed as irritating at this point in time. But I count myself among the ''udathe huve parinde ke par ginne vale'' types in spotting a crappy serial in its infancy. And this one has all the hallmarks of one right now - from the actors to the script. A love story is cooking and the stink will soon hit the fan. If scraping nails on a blackboard is your pasttime, you would do well to add yourself to this serial's viewership. Otherwise, like the rest of us, put on your raincoats and dive for cover.