When I saw the serial "Kya Hoga Nimmo Ka", the phrase ''Majha Kkkhauuu mala dya'' came to mind - which in Marathi means ''Give me my food''. In Mumbai, this is the sign on most trashcans (the only places you are not supposed to spit and throw garbage) which is where this stinkipuss belongs. BTW, the extra K's in the phrase and the title are in keeping with the fetish of its creator. Yup, this foray into non-soapish detergents is from the mother of all malodorous soaps - the dreaded Ekta Kapoor of Balaji Telefillums.
What is this serial you might ask? A happy go lucky middle class simpleton with a heart of gold and a special relationship with God. In other words, a Jassi wanna-be with a twist. Jassi took off on Sony and the me-toos were not too far behind. The glasses are gone but sickening sweet and innocent are still there in big shades (pun intended). Its no wonder that garbage also rhymes with cabbage. So if you miss Jassi and your medication is not working or your psychiatrist is out on vacation, this sweet and sour Lassi will do wonders to your already crumbling sanity.
Most episodes so far showcase Nimmo's finer qualities or are littered with Nimmo's cribs with God which seems to be the highlight of this serial. Needless to say, it grinds on your nerves since the episodes are reinforced with serious bouts of overacting. I wish God would get pissed and end our misery with a well directed bolt of lightning. Lassi is ably assisted by a few props (I mean actors) - two bimbo sisters, an irritating bald father, a nondescript mother and a super irritating maid - who so far have not added much to the story line. God is played by none other than the (Ab)Surd King of Senseless Verbiage, Navjot Singh Sidhu. Its funny how Ekkie baby goes out of her way with the numerology and astrology thingies and then does something to piss God off. All the more reason for that much desired seering bolt from the blue.
At this point, the Cinderella bits are in the process of development with two (yes you heard me right) Prince Charmings. The serial can be termed as irritating at this point in time. But I count myself among the ''udathe huve parinde ke par ginne vale'' types in spotting a crappy serial in its infancy. And this one has all the hallmarks of one right now - from the actors to the script. A love story is cooking and the stink will soon hit the fan. If scraping nails on a blackboard is your pasttime, you would do well to add yourself to this serial's viewership. Otherwise, like the rest of us, put on your raincoats and dive for cover.
Showing posts with label Star. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Star. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Move over Rover, a load of crap is taking over
Star One started out to be a haven for those sick and tired of the saas-bahu types. Initially, it had a good mix of serials - The Great Indian Laughter Challenge, The Great Indian Comedy Show, Nach Baliye, Instant Khichdi, Special Squad, Dil Kya Chahta hai, Bluff Master, Men Maange More and the like. Of course, they had their share of horrendous ones. I'll sum them up with one nightmarish representative - Remix. Well, it's good enough if you hit more than you miss. Further, this could have been part of Star Care social service to keep the IQ challenged occupied and unperturbed by thought or reason.
Off late, the channel has gone to the dogs. Some serials ran out of steam and some died a natural death. The popular ones have been resurrected with garish make-up and a fervent hope that no ones notices the stench. Examples are Nach Baliye in a new form and Laughter Challenge II. A few more braindead serials for the IQ challenged have been introduced to give Remix company. Case in point - ''India Appalling'' (read ''India Calling'') and 'Yeh Dil Maange More'. Now horror of horrors - the K brigade has been let in through the backdoor. Yup, none other than the pride of Balaji Telefilms and the 'that-whose-name-must-not-be-spoken' who made TV inaccessible to the IQ-more-than-vegetables audience - Ekkkkta KKKKapoor. She has introduced one more nasty piece of poop - Kya Hoga Nikammo ka. Or is it Nimmo ka? Who the hell cares? It is a bucketload of drivel nonetheless.
In short, being different and entertaining takes time, effort and brains which I think the channel has decided not to expend. To use the logic of George from Seinfeld, the serials on this channel are being made with the assumption that people will watch it because it's on TV. It's much easier to be mediocre and that's where I guess the channel is fading away. This (com)mode of mediocre entertainment is a paid channel which makes me want to call up my cable operator and ask for my 'mon' back and sue for damages. My suggestion would be to rename the channel Scar One
Pros: Most of the serials in this channel could be effectively used in psychometric tests to detect lack of brain activity and differentiate between vegetative and intelligent states. This, of course, can only be experimented on born vegetables because even comatose patients would make a run for the door if subjected to the crap dished out by this channel. See now there's a plus (but I guess that honor has already been garnered by the other Plus - Star Plus)
Cons: This channel could be a conspiracy hatched by orthodox hawkish neo-conservative groups in the US in connivance with News Corp (owners of Star and Fox) for state propaganda in enemy states (India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Middle East, etc) to dumb down their generations to come. But then again, this channel cannot wreak more havoc than Star Plus. :-)
Off late, the channel has gone to the dogs. Some serials ran out of steam and some died a natural death. The popular ones have been resurrected with garish make-up and a fervent hope that no ones notices the stench. Examples are Nach Baliye in a new form and Laughter Challenge II. A few more braindead serials for the IQ challenged have been introduced to give Remix company. Case in point - ''India Appalling'' (read ''India Calling'') and 'Yeh Dil Maange More'. Now horror of horrors - the K brigade has been let in through the backdoor. Yup, none other than the pride of Balaji Telefilms and the 'that-whose-name-must-not-be-spoken' who made TV inaccessible to the IQ-more-than-vegetables audience - Ekkkkta KKKKapoor. She has introduced one more nasty piece of poop - Kya Hoga Nikammo ka. Or is it Nimmo ka? Who the hell cares? It is a bucketload of drivel nonetheless.
In short, being different and entertaining takes time, effort and brains which I think the channel has decided not to expend. To use the logic of George from Seinfeld, the serials on this channel are being made with the assumption that people will watch it because it's on TV. It's much easier to be mediocre and that's where I guess the channel is fading away. This (com)mode of mediocre entertainment is a paid channel which makes me want to call up my cable operator and ask for my 'mon' back and sue for damages. My suggestion would be to rename the channel Scar One
Pros: Most of the serials in this channel could be effectively used in psychometric tests to detect lack of brain activity and differentiate between vegetative and intelligent states. This, of course, can only be experimented on born vegetables because even comatose patients would make a run for the door if subjected to the crap dished out by this channel. See now there's a plus (but I guess that honor has already been garnered by the other Plus - Star Plus)
Cons: This channel could be a conspiracy hatched by orthodox hawkish neo-conservative groups in the US in connivance with News Corp (owners of Star and Fox) for state propaganda in enemy states (India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Middle East, etc) to dumb down their generations to come. But then again, this channel cannot wreak more havoc than Star Plus. :-)
Monday, March 13, 2006
Be cool or be dead
I am speechless and lost for words as I write this review for this serial "Remix" on Star One. No words can describe the load of crap heaped by Star One on unsuspecting viewers. To describe Remix in one sentence ''Four dumb-as* nitwits and their friends suffering from a deep rooted urge to look cool''
The story revolves around Maurya high - a school for the dimwitted. Freaks of the world unite! Freedom is at hand and Star One's the stage to parade it. The chains are off and all the numbskulls can now rejoice and show their wares in this Dumb and Dumber extravaganza.
The protagonist's in this story are four
This piece of s**t should rhyme with bore
If you see it and desire more
Its time to check your IQ score
Anyways, the four specimens in this serial are - An industrialist's bimbo daughter who refers to herself in the third person, a i-try-way-too-hard-to-be-cool politician's son, a non-conformist star actress's daughter and a i-have-come-up-the-hard-way rural fart who also sometimes refers to himself in the third person (and is paired with the bimbo of course). A pluralist group with a defined ethos - Be cool or be dead. They wish they were cool and I wish they were dead.
You got to hand it to Star One for this beaut. This experience is akin to getting waxed in the pubic area. Not that I have tried it but this would be darn close. Few of you might wonder why I am not relating the story for this masterpiece. Humble apologies, dear friend, I do not have much to state on that front since there is none. The storyline is truly inane with characters slipping in and out faster than you can stand around and wonder how dumb these fools are.
Their conception of a teen resembles a dumb neurotic with an inferiority complex and an unforgiving itch to rebel and act cool at any cost. What do they have to do to pay the price of cooldom? Blurt out cool sounding phrases like dude, bhaggu, and similar sound bites to make up for real sentences. Rebel! Rebel! Rebel! Rebel against everything and everyone as if rebellion were going out of style. Have a posse of dumb sidekicks for constant reassurance. The last one actually does make sense. If I were as braindead as one of these characters, I would need my share of dumber nitwits to reassure me that a few more exist between me and the apes
A few must haves before watching the serial - a concrete wall, a Webster's dictionary (the full shebang - no abridged versions here) and a baseball bat. Bang your head on the concrete wall many times to achieve a state of delirium - the actual repetitions needed depend on your current state of delirium. Use the dictionary any time you feel yourself slipping out back into the intelligent world. Finally, when you reach a stage where life ceases to have all meaning, use the baseball bat to club yourself out of existence. (Please don't use the baseball bat on the TV since other people at home might be watching saner stuff)
The serial could be a useful tool for Zen buddhists for developing patience. The trouble is that you might be dead or get insane if you are not cut out to be a Zen Buddhist
The story revolves around Maurya high - a school for the dimwitted. Freaks of the world unite! Freedom is at hand and Star One's the stage to parade it. The chains are off and all the numbskulls can now rejoice and show their wares in this Dumb and Dumber extravaganza.
The protagonist's in this story are four
This piece of s**t should rhyme with bore
If you see it and desire more
Its time to check your IQ score
Anyways, the four specimens in this serial are - An industrialist's bimbo daughter who refers to herself in the third person, a i-try-way-too-hard-to-be-cool politician's son, a non-conformist star actress's daughter and a i-have-come-up-the-hard-way rural fart who also sometimes refers to himself in the third person (and is paired with the bimbo of course). A pluralist group with a defined ethos - Be cool or be dead. They wish they were cool and I wish they were dead.
You got to hand it to Star One for this beaut. This experience is akin to getting waxed in the pubic area. Not that I have tried it but this would be darn close. Few of you might wonder why I am not relating the story for this masterpiece. Humble apologies, dear friend, I do not have much to state on that front since there is none. The storyline is truly inane with characters slipping in and out faster than you can stand around and wonder how dumb these fools are.
Their conception of a teen resembles a dumb neurotic with an inferiority complex and an unforgiving itch to rebel and act cool at any cost. What do they have to do to pay the price of cooldom? Blurt out cool sounding phrases like dude, bhaggu, and similar sound bites to make up for real sentences. Rebel! Rebel! Rebel! Rebel against everything and everyone as if rebellion were going out of style. Have a posse of dumb sidekicks for constant reassurance. The last one actually does make sense. If I were as braindead as one of these characters, I would need my share of dumber nitwits to reassure me that a few more exist between me and the apes
A few must haves before watching the serial - a concrete wall, a Webster's dictionary (the full shebang - no abridged versions here) and a baseball bat. Bang your head on the concrete wall many times to achieve a state of delirium - the actual repetitions needed depend on your current state of delirium. Use the dictionary any time you feel yourself slipping out back into the intelligent world. Finally, when you reach a stage where life ceases to have all meaning, use the baseball bat to club yourself out of existence. (Please don't use the baseball bat on the TV since other people at home might be watching saner stuff)
The serial could be a useful tool for Zen buddhists for developing patience. The trouble is that you might be dead or get insane if you are not cut out to be a Zen Buddhist
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Sentenced to death by India Calling
''India Calling'' seems to be one of the dumbest shows I have seen on television in a long time. Hats off to Star One for this one. Its pure excruciating torture - a mix between a heady Suraj Barjatya concoction (need i say more than the phrases ''lousy feel good'' and ''sickening sweet''), a bad David Dhawan script (for the obvious crappy jokes) and a later day B grade Mithun flick (for the senseless script). Does it have a defined script or is someone making it up as the serial chugs along? There is no direction to the story except an obsessive inclination to instill a ''feel good'' factor and fake Indian pride.
Oh for godsakes get it over with... I can't take any more of the episodes. In fact, they are so apalling that I seem to have developed a masochistic streak to see if they can get any worse. And the director manages to surprise (read shock) me with ever trashier fare.
The engagement, trip to mumbai, search for sister, interview, re-interview, ...., the darts contest, the kabaddi match and the never-ending variants of the ''prove your Indianness'' contests. I wonder what they were smoking when they came up with this? Must be some really bad stuff (the ones that make you see giant roaches and reptiles)! Three episodes are potent enough to make one strangle oneself and to get Lord Yama's bull at the door to haul one off to the nether world. For once, it would be a blessing to be like the Gandhian monkeys.
A few suggestions for possible uses of the IC (India Calling) show
- Hand it to the CIA for use in fourth degree torture methods in Guantanamo Bay, Afghanistan and other places. The videos will have to be diluted with a bit of common sense to avoid risking eternal madness or a quick and easy death (Kind of like the 50-50 ad - isme sense bhi hai aur nonsense bhi)
- 3 video packs to jails as an aid to capital punishment (Sentenced to death by India Calling)
- Single video packs to jails for use in social rehabilitation programs. This will serve as a permanent deterrent for even the most hardened criminals.
- 3 episode Euthanasia packs for hospitals (also suicide packs for death seekers).
- A 6-Episode Indian Roulette pack. One in Six will be a non-IC video.
- Put a stop to cross-border terrorism by installing bullet-proof plasma screens on the border and relay these videos 24x7 every day
Oh for godsakes get it over with... I can't take any more of the episodes. In fact, they are so apalling that I seem to have developed a masochistic streak to see if they can get any worse. And the director manages to surprise (read shock) me with ever trashier fare.
The engagement, trip to mumbai, search for sister, interview, re-interview, ...., the darts contest, the kabaddi match and the never-ending variants of the ''prove your Indianness'' contests. I wonder what they were smoking when they came up with this? Must be some really bad stuff (the ones that make you see giant roaches and reptiles)! Three episodes are potent enough to make one strangle oneself and to get Lord Yama's bull at the door to haul one off to the nether world. For once, it would be a blessing to be like the Gandhian monkeys.
A few suggestions for possible uses of the IC (India Calling) show
- Hand it to the CIA for use in fourth degree torture methods in Guantanamo Bay, Afghanistan and other places. The videos will have to be diluted with a bit of common sense to avoid risking eternal madness or a quick and easy death (Kind of like the 50-50 ad - isme sense bhi hai aur nonsense bhi)
- 3 video packs to jails as an aid to capital punishment (Sentenced to death by India Calling)
- Single video packs to jails for use in social rehabilitation programs. This will serve as a permanent deterrent for even the most hardened criminals.
- 3 episode Euthanasia packs for hospitals (also suicide packs for death seekers).
- A 6-Episode Indian Roulette pack. One in Six will be a non-IC video.
- Put a stop to cross-border terrorism by installing bullet-proof plasma screens on the border and relay these videos 24x7 every day
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