Sunday, January 01, 2006

Sentenced to death by India Calling

''India Calling'' seems to be one of the dumbest shows I have seen on television in a long time. Hats off to Star One for this one. Its pure excruciating torture - a mix between a heady Suraj Barjatya concoction (need i say more than the phrases ''lousy feel good'' and ''sickening sweet''), a bad David Dhawan script (for the obvious crappy jokes) and a later day B grade Mithun flick (for the senseless script). Does it have a defined script or is someone making it up as the serial chugs along? There is no direction to the story except an obsessive inclination to instill a ''feel good'' factor and fake Indian pride.

Oh for godsakes get it over with... I can't take any more of the episodes. In fact, they are so apalling that I seem to have developed a masochistic streak to see if they can get any worse. And the director manages to surprise (read shock) me with ever trashier fare.

The engagement, trip to mumbai, search for sister, interview, re-interview, ...., the darts contest, the kabaddi match and the never-ending variants of the ''prove your Indianness'' contests. I wonder what they were smoking when they came up with this? Must be some really bad stuff (the ones that make you see giant roaches and reptiles)! Three episodes are potent enough to make one strangle oneself and to get Lord Yama's bull at the door to haul one off to the nether world. For once, it would be a blessing to be like the Gandhian monkeys.

A few suggestions for possible uses of the IC (India Calling) show
- Hand it to the CIA for use in fourth degree torture methods in Guantanamo Bay, Afghanistan and other places. The videos will have to be diluted with a bit of common sense to avoid risking eternal madness or a quick and easy death (Kind of like the 50-50 ad - isme sense bhi hai aur nonsense bhi)
- 3 video packs to jails as an aid to capital punishment (Sentenced to death by India Calling)
- Single video packs to jails for use in social rehabilitation programs. This will serve as a permanent deterrent for even the most hardened criminals.
- 3 episode Euthanasia packs for hospitals (also suicide packs for death seekers).
- A 6-Episode Indian Roulette pack. One in Six will be a non-IC video.
- Put a stop to cross-border terrorism by installing bullet-proof plasma screens on the border and relay these videos 24x7 every day