Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Top 10 list: Ram Gopal Verma's Strategies...

  1. Sizzle and drizzle the lead actress as much as you can, staying in censor limits. Try to get a fresh face if possible.
  2. Show violence to the core, with Mumbai in back drop.
  3. Have some "surprise" elements here and there.
  4. Use and throw: Count on newcomers. He is really good in hunting talent.
  5. Innovative background music. He has been using this kind of music in many of his movies: Road, Sarkar, Naach ... and many others.
  6. Finally, end the movie abruptly! Entire movie can be "typical", but not the ending.
  7. Don't let the lead actor/actress (who are newcomers most of the time) open their mouth. Just cash on the face and body value. Muu khulnae pae insaan ke asliyat bahar aati hai, Vivek is an example. I thought he was a macho man, when I first saw Company! :(
  8. Portray every hero as an angry young man (even if he is a cute faced guy)
  9. Experiment on weird formulas like Road, Main madhuri, Bhoot, etc ... who knows what the audience might like?
  10. Last but the worst: Make one good movie, followed by a dozen flop fantasy experiments!

Another Ram Gopal Verma fantasy.

+ sizzling babes
+ corrupt politicians and policeman
+ typical bollywood goondas
And one Tarzan-Bruce Lee types hero to fight them all!

This is JAMES..

What to expect from the movie? (not much, he he)

  1. Ramu masala, typical bollywood ishtyle...
  2. Veeru Devgan style, fight sequences.
  3. Chor-police-chor-police chases...
  4. A Bruce Lee types hero (read the hero section)
  5. Sizzzling songs and a lengthy lingerie’s advertisement.
  6. "Some" shots (special effects kind) are stunning.
  7. Ram Gopal Verma's innovative haunting background scores that don't go very well with screen play.

Hero?Lead actor from movie James

  1. A typical very confident hindi fillum super hero, whose only meherbani was that he didn't dodge bullets or catch swords in his hands.
  2. No bullet can strike him, no villain can kill him, no policeman can chase him.
  3. It seems Ramu wanted to cast Bruce Lee, but the nearest he could get was this guy.
  4. Now chill ... he is no way near to Bruce Lee.
  5. They have provided no justification on why he is such a great fighter.
  6. His physique is supposed to be body builder types but is no way close to that. He is still under developed.
  7. Dialogue delivery? Thankfully he had no dialogues in the movie.
  8. Dance? Thankfully he didn't dance in the movie.
  9. Humor? Thankfully he was not humorous in the movie.
  10. So what's new in him? He has his face pierced!! He he he ... Maybe a Goan thing, as per RGV :S

Lead actress from movie JamesYou know who she is: The girl who played a small role of “movie actress” in Sarkar. Every one might have his own view about her face/body etc... So I wont say much on that part. They made her sizzle in every possible frame. She either got herself some "inner clothes" or some "outer clothes". And if her clothes (whatever) were not transparent enough, water did the job. Smallest possible chaddis I might have seen in recent times! Basically another pretty face that is nicely exposed in the movie (all in censor limits). I can’t imagine about the edited sequences and what might have happened on and behind the sets!


  1. He covers his face with so much hair that only a small portion of his face is visible
  2. People should really really hate this kind of character
  3. For some unknown reason, he always tilts his neck or moves it around. Another way of being more villainish
  4. He is the ultimate power, every one in mumbai including the police fear him
  5. He has the governmentt and entire legal system under him
  6. He will shoot more bullets then words
  7. He will finally fight with the hero one on one since his ego is hurt! Very very filmi... I always have hopes from a movie villain, but this guy ruined it all.

Rest of the cast?

  1. Most of the Sarkar side-actors
  2. Sarkar's main villain acts as an part time villain.
  3. Baki ka public from Ramu's typical crew.
  4. I wont disclose the surprise cast element, in case you guys plan (dare) to watch the movie. (Probably the only enjoyable part, if you have no interest in the movie girl)

Bottom line:
This movie looks more like Ramu's fantasy for the heroine and over use of Sarkar cast and sets. Basically a low budget by-product of Sarkar with no script, purpose, entertainment value or justification for the exposure and violence. Watch it on video or vcd. Don't bother to waste your money on DVD if it costs more in your part of the world.

@heroiiiiiiiiiine(stills of Amoha from the movie)

Monday, July 11, 2005

Sarkar-Muze jo atcha lagta hai, may karta huun

Hamae jo aatcha laga, hum nae kiya!

Fri 9th, 10pm, Taco Cabana @ Johnes and FM1960 intersection, Houston, Texas.

After a long day at office and 7 matches of rigorous volley ball, 6 desis planned for the final 10:30pm show of Sarkar played at W. Belfort Cinema some 35-40 miles from the above location. We had to drive atleast 70 mph average if we had to hit the cinema hall on or before time! And we all were like: Muzae jo atcha lagta hai may karta huun! That is, high spirits

We decided to trust the online review, star cast, story line and of course Ramu! After a quick partial dinner at taco cabana, I looked at friend driving the other car and in hindi filmi estyle said, “Boss, aaj bhagana hai!”. The other guy reverted back with more then expected enthusiasm saying, “Too bhagatae hai aaj fir!”. He smoked his tires, and within no time we were on Johnes, chasing each other crossing the max allowable speed, which is 45mph! Exiting johns and entering B-8 took us atleast 10 minutes, due to traffic, lights and bad road (for those not aware, many roads in US suck!). For obvious reasons, we decided to take the toll way instead of hitting a light every another mile. I had this other car following me.

Johnes was gone; we were now on hwy290 before entering B8. 290 being a 4 lane highway, we immediately poured 20 more mph and in no time we were in the left most lane overtaking all possible vehicles, trailers and 16 wheelers. To add on to our spirits, I played DUS! “Hey now hey now…” was banging in the SUV, ppl having a party time inside, while I realized, I am missing the exit for B8! Obviously the traffic hated me when I changed 4 lanes to exit in B8 within 3/4th of a mile at near 75 mph. Poor friend who was close trailing me all the way just managed the narrow exit!

Time should be 10:12, we were in B8 now. I have not seen many trafficking tickets gifted on B8 so I decided to speed! 75…80…. 85…. X…..x…..xx….100…105…! Dang! The relative stand still traffic on B8 made way for two crazy vehicles, driving for what seemed to be more important then the lives of 2 lead developers, 2 lead support engineers, and 2 project managers. Jokes were cracked, new tracks were played, lanes were changed, and we had real party time inside! I paid more attention over the road then on the speedometer, but we easily crossed 110 at more then couple of instances.

Time was now “10:30” and we were still looking for the “West Beltfort exit”. It didn’t require much intelligence for me to realize that we have “actually” missed the exit; however I didn’t expect the worse case to be true! I pulled at the nearest Toll-service booth and asked for direction. The lady handed over me a map that clearly indicated that we have traveled at least double the required distance!!!! Damn, none of us was drunk but we still did it. 12 eyes had 6 individual reasons for not finding the exit! Time was now slipping faster then before, music stopped, mood changed, jokes were cracked but sarcasm prevailed. Optimism followed the mood, both took a U turn, phones started ringing, alternate plans were discussed … Somewhere deep, we still had our faiths in Indian theaters and the concept called as Indian standard time.

Another 15 minutes of sensible driving and we were finally in front of the movie theater. The time was now 10:55 and we were told that the show started at 10:45. All of us decided to take the 10 minute miss and enter the near full movie hall. We got the 4th row and there we were, watching the grand Batchan duo in all their glory over the wide screen of W. Belfort!

Some one from the other car was interested in a RCA(root cause analysis), but we meet each other only at interval, till then the movie almost calmed him! We all entered the hall with mixed feelings, but all exited at 1:00am with only one feeling, “It was all worth it”!

On our way back, we were more relaxed and some part of Subash Nagare was running in every one’s blood! At around 2:00am, other car meets a minor accident. Our car again stops at Taco Cabana for the early morning Breakfast! The (same as before) lady at counter welcomed us. (Probably saying, do you guys have better things to do then frequenting a taco shop on a week end?)

I know I was supposed to write a review on Sarkar; but all I have to say is: After doing whatever I stated above and considering the fact that all of us are still happy about the night spend, the movie’s got to be real good! For detailed cast by cast and scene to scene review, just check any of the already posted 100’s of reviews on different websites. But even better, shall I suggest, just go to the movie hall and watch it! And yes, do not do what every one else did … comparing it with God Father and other God Father derived movies. Just enjoy the action, Cast and drama while you are in the dark hall!

Bottom line:

Crazy driving + missing exits + missing the start + lot of galis from friends + a minor accident + max ticket + gas + toll = Paisa Vasool!

Monday, July 04, 2005


Another great movie from the makers of Mission Kashmir, Munna Bhai, 1942 and Parinda. It feels really nice to see a non Sharukh, non Yash, non Karan, non Farah movie doing so well. 100's of reviews are already posted about how good this movie is. However here are few words from another motion picture addict.

After we were out, a friend asked me: "What does this word Parineeta mean". Since
the movie was centered around a lady whose name was Lolita, I said good question! Parineeta means "Married Women" (in Bengali I guess). What a pick for the title. Sounds very poetic... I was wondering if the same title had been in hindi, its sound would have been so "tharki"! Shaadi Shuda Aurat :D. Any way, it is Parineeta.

Other then all good things, here are some area of improvements (I hope Chopra Uncle reads this):

1. Vidya Balan: Just like Bhagyashree of MPK, she is the newest and the coolest find of Bollywood. Most people will love her from the very first reel. For me, she could not render the strong character and personality of Lolitta. Lolita and her character was the epicenter of the entire movie. I personally feel that she lacked the depth in expression that would have otherwise left the audience with tears at many instances in the movie. Nevertheless a very pretty face and a great debut; not bad for a newcomer

2. Sanjay Dutt: I must say he tried his best while playing as 60's NRI. "But" he was an perfect misfit for a Bengali family. With his huge body, semi bald head and wrinkles on his aging face, he was an odd one out. Finally I cannot imagine a Sanjay-Raima couple (elephant-ant kind of thing). I guess, after Munnabhai, Sanjay was an obvious choice for Mr Chopra.

3. The Ending: Though I personally favour happy endings, I think this particular movie could have done better without one (recollecting the success of QSQT, EDKL, Devdas and similar of its kind). Nevertheless the ending was very very filmi. So what if it made the audience smile. Chalta hai!

4. Howrah Bridge: Too much use of Howrah Bridge. We are bored of seeing Calcutta with the Howrah Bridge in the backdrop. In fact in one very romantic sequence, where they had this bridge in the background, it looked extremely crowded with people and traffic, polluting the mood of that situation.

5. Sporty Sunglasses: Saif is wearing a 2000's trendy sun glass in one of the sequence! Image

6. Sex: They could have done better with the sex sequences. Especially the ones with Sanjay Dutt. With Dutt being passive, Lolita looked greatly confused in her attempt to be proactive and bold. It really felt like these sequences were guided by strict censor guidelines. On the other hand, Saif's scene was greatly shot.

List of good things in the movie are huge. However here are my favorites:

1. Experience great music from Shantanu Moitra. His previous work was 99.9FM.

2. Songs blend seamlessly with the movie. They carry the movie theme even stronger. Without songs, this movie was an Art movie!

3. Saif's Father performed a great terror role! Also his mother did a great job by not been over emotional. Just the right emotions and required drops of tears.

4. Setups, Direction of Photography and overall graphical appeal including the vintage Moulan Rouge were all worth appreciation.

5. Great Direction. You are always glued to the seat waiting for the next scene.

6. Dress selections were really fantastic. I might include some of them in my wardrobe. Especially Sanjay's Kurtas! They look great on him.

7. I hate her face but Diya Mirza's opening sequence was really nice.

8. Rekha and all her charisma. She's still a killer. Again, her dress selection was great.

Bottom line:
Watch this movie in theaters. Ticket + Samosa + Chai + Gas + Time = Paisa Vasool

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Parineeta - A good movie to watch

Just saw Parineeta today... Actually, I was in the mood for "D" but my mom wanted to see Parineeta. The storyline is very taut. The cinematography and picturization is really great. Hats off to Vidya Balan and Saif for putting a lot of soul into their respective characters. Sanjay Dutt was also natural in his (Un-Bhai-log like) role. Dia Mirza stood out like a sore thumb (a cute sore thumb I should say :-)). She was like a very expensive tie on a kurta - good in as of itself but totally out of place.

The only thing I found mildly irritating was the "Bring the Berlin Wall down" routine. Don't get me wrong. The symbolism wasn't lost on me. Probably, its just the pragmatism of the Virgo in me. If the love of my life was on her way to London in a jiffy, I would rather walk through the gate to the other side of the wall rather than try to bore a hole in the wall. Definitely sensational and a story you could tell your grandkids. Not to mention proving a point to a stiff Dad and getting moral support from all and sundry (especially those who need this moment to raise their banner of revolt). It would have been more practical for Saif to shout out to Vidya to chill for a moment and then get back to proving his point via the wall route.

Barring that minor point :-), a good movie to watch.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Ankhen - A sight for sore eyes

Before reading this, you need to get your bearings right by reading the synopsis of this masterpiece from the horse's mouth viz. Sagar Arts ("internationally legendary known Arabian Nights" alias Alif Laila alias 1001 Nights - Wow!!). BTW, Sagar Arts is owned by none other than Ramanand uncle of Ramayan fame who will always be remembered for bringing geometry and fractals to the masses (remember the arrow fights in the dvanda yudh). Surprisingly, these folks have made some really good serials like Ramayan (before Luv and Kush got in), Vikram aur Vetaal, Dada dadi ki kahaniya, etc. But their recent crop of crappy serials is unmatched this side of the Hindukush.

As the text and images suggest, the serial can be described in one word - CHEAP. Cheap script, cheap cast, cheap suits, cheap gun replicas, cheap graphics and so on. This serial was made after scraping the bottom of a barrel that was licked clean by a pack of ravenous cats. I have seen four or five episodes and they have completely blown my mind. It doesn't get any funnier or more pakavoo than this. The perfect ambience for this serial would require 2-3 glasses of your favorite arrack and the company of a few rowdy friends (preferably those who cannot sit idle without passing comments).

The top dog in this serial is Col Dhyanchand. For those curious ones, he looks like a mix between Dr. Ambedkar, Subash Chandra Bose and singer Abhijeet. The Col runs Gurukul, a top secret outfit, designed to take on enemies of the state. Dhyanchand's outfit is largely nondescript except for the adrenaline pumping Hardayal Singh (who sounds and acts like Duryodhana in Mahabharat). The enemies of the state are notorious killers Karlos (with a K) and Kangaroo (pronounced Kungaarooo) who sport Jamaican outfits, fake braided hair and demoniacal laughter.

The inane plots in this serial are more than well backed up with a virtual barrage of cheap graphics. Missiles, helicopters, explosions, stunts and what have you done by Jo Lukhas, the mele me bichda huva bhai of George Lucas, operating out of Beguserai, Bihar. The serial is peppered with memorable characters - Shehezada of Jaffar (the crown prince of Jaffar who is dressed like Raj Kapoor in Anadi), a bald man with fake eyebrows known only as His Highness from the kingdom of ChooChoo (or something similar - I was too busy laughing) to name a few.

I cannot reveal much more because this serial is like divine revelation - you have to experience it to believe it. For the uninitiated, this masterpiece is available for viewing on the DD national channel.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Too Behaal after watching Jo Bole So Nihaal

The story revolves around a Thumbless Jack a@s (oops i meant kick a@s) assassin called Romeo who is the go-to guy for anything bad a@s anywhere in the world (a la Carlos the Jackal. For those confused by the name, no, our assassin is not gay). How can one as shrewd and sharp as he, manage to stay out of everyone's sight? Easy! He deals with his clients through his live-in girlfriend. Of course, wouldn't that be the last place someone would look? Thumbless Jack has a soft underside. After a crime, he cannot do without a confession and ritual sacrifice of the priest. In a routine pumping of plastic explosive through water pipes to blow up a house (for those not in the know, it is standard procedure for half-witted assassins) followed by the ritual confession, TJ meets our venerable "No-If-No-But-Only Jutt" Jabba the Hutt of Punjab Police. Jabba's comic and TJ's emotional performance left me literally breathless (since there was no rope to strangle myself, the next best thing was to hold my breath till I was blue. Apt punishment for venturing to watch a Sunny Deol movie). By the time I regained my consciousness, TJ manages to get across a Paki border (conveniently left unmanned of course) while the BSF latch on to Jabba before he ends up hurting himself by trying to use his brains. Jabba becomes the the friendly neighbourhood traitor and all hell breaks loose for him and his family with TJ's capture being his only hope for salvation. What stays etched in my memory is Jabba the Hutt's gutt wrenching speech on the patriotism of the Jutts. In the meantime, TJ is busy cavorting in NY, with his girlfriend, as the owner of a dhaba that also doubles up as Chandni bar while I try to stay conscious through Jabba and his family's saga (including a song from Jabba's mother). The Supreme Intelligence heeds Jabba's fervent prayers (and mine) and leads a few scrawny Americans from the FBI to Jabba to help identify and catch the infamous TJ. What follows would make Abu Ghraib seem like a walk in the park. Before you can say, "Hey Raam, yeh dekhne ke pehele mere praan kyon nahi chale gaye", Jabba stuns you with a whole barrage of stale jokes, villager in the West gaffes, a lisp and a reverse lisp couple, a FBI desi hottie and TJ's botched bombing attempt for Al Fatah. Lobotomy without anaesthesia never felt more desirable. Things seem to fall apart with Jabba's pre-condition on parading TJ through his village before the law can take its course. Now Jabba dumps the FBI and is on his own with his mother (Don't ask!!!) and the FBI desi hottie for company (but of course) on the lookout for TJ. In the meantime, Al Fatah is on the lookout for TJ and his girlfriend for the botched bombing attempt. TJ is on the look out for Jabba for vengeance. On a cruise to the Bahamas, TJ becomes Tony the Jutt, Nihaal (alias for Jabba) becomes Behaal, brother of Nihaal (Don't ask!!!) and I become Behaal as well. Tony the Jutt is spotted by Jabba the Hutt when he forgets to say "Sat Sri Akal" to "Jo Bole so Nihaal" like any self respecting Jutt would do. Then in a wierd twist, the FBI chaps decide to kill the President and use TJ for the act. Then Jabba who is the only one who has seen TJ says he is TJ and TJ says he's TJ and the Jabba's village idiot says Jabba is TJ and ... At this point, the turn of events in the movie defied all known forms of human logic and ended up frying my brain and leaving me in a temporary vegetative state. Thankfully, on regaining my intelligence, I lost the grey cells that recorded the horrible "That whose crap must not be spoken" and woke up to TJ being paraded in Jabba's village for the only true punishment for a world famous terrorist. A chappal slap fest and muh kalah ritual from the entire village. God has been kind to me and I know that my life has been spared only to let others know of the horrific end that awaits those that dare to enter where angels (and common sense and logic) fear to tread. Word to the wise. This movie is not for the faint of heart. It is meant for professionals who have cut their teeth on movies by Subhash Ghai (remember Trimurti, Yaadein), later day Dev Anand, Mithun (Chandal!!), Garam Dharam, vintage Govinda (Ilzaam anyone??) and the like. Do not try this at home or in any movie theater without oxygen masks and emergency paramedical personnel on standby.